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[08|31|06 @ 11 AM]
so summers coming to an end
I have no more wisdom teeth
they were taken out on monday
still hurts a little
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[08|16|06 @ 11 PM]
In doing your work in the great world, it is a safe plan to follow a rule I once heard on the football field: Don't flinch, don't fall; hit the line hard.
- --Theodore Roosevelt
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[08|10|06 @ 11 PM]
Do I go for a cheap sex thing
or do I try to make it something more...
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[07|23|06 @ 10 AM]
If you press me to say why I loved him,
I can say no more than because he was he,
and I was I.
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[07|22|06 @ 03 PM]
Salmon Fest Weekend !!








Oh how I love Newfoundland
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[07|12|06 @ 03 PM]
Ok I leave for Newfoundland tomorrow morning.
I'm in the middle of back but It's sooo hot here I need to take a break.
I had to clean out my car becasue I'm leaving it at the airport becasue no one can drive me there or pick me up but it's cool I'll get home faster, and my moms going to pick up the bill.

The only thing that I really have packed is my travel on bag. Contained in it is 7 case of rev (becasue they'll cheeaper here) and my nutrution books for school. lol how awesome it that. The only thing I'm worried about is having them say "sorry you can't bring that" But Dee bring beer home all the time so hopefully it's not a problem.

News from work...
Were starting to plan a camping trip !! YAY !! I love drunken camping, at Keji. It's going to totally sweet. It's probably going to be next weekend or maybe in august. When ever it will be sweet. An our Pub Crawls on the 29 of july !!! Which will also be awesome.

Well I should get back to packing...
This weekends going to be awesome!!
I'm sooo excited I love summer
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[07|09|06 @ 02 PM]
4 days until I go to newfoundland
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Summer time when the living is easy [07|03|06 @ 09 PM]
New layout.
I still need to fix some of the bugs but I like it

Camps start tomorrow I'm excited to get back into the swings of summer. With our staff parties, swimming and out random adventures that always happen. 10 days until I go back to Newfoundland for Salmon fest I'm really excited for that, I miss having Dee and Jen around.

Oh I finally bought the 80's Astro Boy box set I'm soo happy I love it. It's a little diferent then when I watched it as a kids because it's the American Version and I guess we have a different one here in Canada

Oh how I love the summer
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[06|09|06 @ 11 PM]
Why can't I get you out of my mind....
James Blunt says everything best

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
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[06|05|06 @ 12 AM]
If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
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[05|27|06 @ 10 PM]
ok so ... I think I'm changing my plan of being super school two degrees and all that jazz. I'm pretty content with how things are going right now. I just can't wait until the summer actual starts and I have no more psy and hist ... I love math sadly enough, and I'll be sad onces that's over. I think I want to teach elementary now. I'm liking the sounds of it.

I'll I'm really looking for is is a good boy to fill my loneiness. And right now that's yet to be done. sadly. hopefully something will come about soon. I think I'm going to give up on the one that I adore becaue it's going no where, maybe that's becasue he doesn't know nad I won't say anything but he should know by now he's not that dumb. But until he figures it out I guess I'll try a little hard looking.

Well I just need to get over the stress of this week... lots of working and studying and a major paper that I really haven't started, and I'm scared I'll do bad on it. Oh school why do I love you and hate you at the same time.










I got nothing ... really
I need some sleep
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[05|08|06 @ 12 AM]
Live your life each day as you would climb a mountain. An occasional glance towards the summit keeps the goal in mind, but many beautiful scenes are to be observed from each new vantage point.
- Harold B. Melchart





back to school tomorrow
Paper due next monday
Test on tuesday... but I'm not complaining.
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I hate when entries delete themselves [04|28|06 @ 05 PM]
[ mood | excited ]

My birthday is in 7 hours
I super excite for tomorrow

Today I booked tickets to go to Newfoundland With Dee !! I'm sooo excited for that. Lots of booze and partyin' it up in Newfoundland!! I so can't wait

This how excited I am!! lol
excited !!

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[04|14|06 @ 11 PM]
Two exams left and I'm studing my but off for them
My wisdom teeth are coming in I can see part of one... but i don't know if there's enough room for them to come in and ones cutting the inside of my mouth. I have a dentist appointment the day after my exams are over.

We got a treadmill, I've been using it pretty much everyday since we got it. My goal is to lose all the weight that the needle has caused me, and changing birthcontrols too. I'm kind of worried with changing it tho bercause I don't want to go back to the hard core cramps every month and the back pain that goes with it. But I guess it doesn't hurt to try sometime new... and if it's not what I'm looking for go back.

15 day until my 19th birthday. I'm excited but I just want to finish exams, and than I'll be super excited . PS anyone that's 19 + and was to come out be my guest. Just drop me a line.
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[04|03|06 @ 11 PM]
Exam number one tomorrow and I haven't even really studied.
6 more classes
4 more exams (some at digusting times like 915 saturday morning what the fuck)
4 days off
3 summer I classes
1 nineteenth birthday
3 rd year summer job
One more summer class
that's my life lately


oh and drinking with the girls
last weekend .. I got into a bar ... got shit faced like normal
it was good times.
not I need to got to bed ... I've not been sleeping well again.
like normal.

giving my blood to someone needed tomorrow.
share your life
give some blood
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[03|29|06 @ 11 PM]
[ mood | scared ]

i've been getting these weird stops on my hands and feet the last couple days, and I thought they were from my bed, becasue it was just made and stained and stuff, which would have been not a big deal... but I got them again today and I wasn't around my bed at all. It looks like stain or the fake tan stuff like orangey brown color... I really don't know what it is. hopefully it will go away...

on a happier note drinking this weekend
it's really needed too

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[03|24|06 @ 11 PM]
I miss you
and you're not even gone.
I love you
but you'll never really know
****

ok so I want to be wanted by someone
I want to have someone around
to care about me
to cuddle with and fall asleep together with
talk without saying a word
understand
****

why don't you see that that I care for you.
why can't you see the happiness you bring me
and how I light up when your around
why do you help me when I call
you act like my knight in shining armor
but I don't think you see it
you're always there when I call
why don't you see how this rips me apart
I think I've fallen for you
but you don't see it at all
****

I just want to fall asleep in your arms
and wake up next to you
to feel that sense of comfort
I just want to talk about nothing
which will end up meaning everything
****

I miss you and your not even gone...











why?
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[03|19|06 @ 06 PM]
[ mood | okay ]

I HATE WRITING PAPERS

I'm half way done my paper and I don't know what else to write. So I decided to take a break.

I'm starting to feel a bit better now which is good. I've been sick for over a week which is differently not cool. Last week I once went to like two morning classes, ending up not writing my psy test due to lack of sleep and couldn't really study. The teacher was nice about it, which was good.

This week I have to finish a whole novel by friday I'm like 20 pages into it. and write another paper, but this ones for Chys which isn't to bad. It's not a productive class. I missed it last week, and I heard it was a good class for once too whi9ch make me sad.

I talked to my advisor last week and picked all my classes for next year I had to drop three classes becasue I had too many units, but I did pick up another summer class which I would need to take another year. I also order my class DVD's for the summer and my notes, I'm going to go look at the text books some time this week. I have a meeting with the registar tuesday to talk about programs and requirements and all that good stuff. Maybe at the end of my 4 years I'll end up with Bachler of child and youth and a arts degree. It will be a lot of work but that's what I'm use to.

I finally got my new bed today. But they didn't measure it to see if it would fit up the stairs and well it didn't really fit. They had to rip some of the modeling off it to get it up. And Dads going to put it in while I'm here at work. Their going to fix it someday for now that side will face the wall lol.

I can't believe the years almost over. This time next month exam will just be finishing. My birthday will be getting closer, everyone one will be coming home. Summer school will start and finish and then it will be time to work. I love the summer. It's almost so close I can taste it. I can't wait for this time next month... a week of relaxing than three classes. Well I need to start looking for more to write in this stupid paper.... I need to write two more pages and I'm done.

back to working at work.

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[03|13|06 @ 06 PM]
This is the begining to a very stressful action packed week. And going on my third sleepless night I think I'm going to be in rough shape by the end of it. I have classes all morning, than I go straight to work to teach Art camp, which consists of alot of little children with short attention spands, and lots of energy and on top of it all, I'm sick, which could be strept throat, which I really don't have time for, and this is taking over my sleeping time, becasue all night long I spend sweating, waking up in a pool of damp clothes and blankets every like 20 mins, which is soooo gross.

I have a psy test wenesday that I'm not really ready for yet, which is not so great. Plus a paper I have to write by monday which is worth a good chunk of my history mark. Followed by another one the next week in CHYS whcih is also worth a great deal of my mark and I hate writing papers. It's just one of those things that every time a see it i avoid .... which gets me no where. Just 5 more weeks and than exams and classes will be over. But not really, becasue I'm taking summer classes, which I hope all run becasue that three less classes I need to take next year making more room to take the extra course I need. Early advising is this week and my week so jam pack i don't really have time to see my person.

I just wich I could sleep for a good 5 hours. without waking up every 20 mins. I really hate that. If I wasn't sick this would be so much easier. But I guess my life isn't ment to have any easy bits in it. Mostly I feel like I'm not my self. I wish I could go back to like grade 10 or even 11 when I was 7 sizes smaller, mostly happier, I saw and talk to my friends all the time, and I felt like I had friends, now I see that a lot of them weren't really my friends, if your friends with someone you just don't stop talking to them for no real reason. You don't treat them like crap. I felt I was on top of the world then and now.... well I don't. I feel like crap. Fat, ugly, and can't really do anything right. I haven't date anyone in over 2 years, and really I don't blame them. There's nothing really in it for them, I feel old and used. At the time I thought grade 11 was going to be the crapiest year of my life... I know I'm wrong now reliaze who your friends are was one of the most shocking things to me this year... not the school work, not university... it was separating myself from high school everythigng I knew, all the stuff I took on to keep me busy so I wouldn't think about the bad stuff in my life. and having that all gone, all I really see is the bad stuff.

Don't get me wrong I made new friends, people that are fun to be around and share common interst. But I don't know maybe I'm just going through a stage right now where nothing really right and I don't think it will be... at least not until summer and even then it will mostly be drinking and good times with the summer staff and then will part and go our different ways the cycle will happen all over.

and now my house is gone mad again... yelling, screaming, throwing things. I need to sleep. I need a shower. I need a break.






sigh
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application away [03|08|06 @ 11 PM]
I miss you
but I don't think I'm ready to go back
I see the faces
the happiness and the joy
but I'm not sure if I'm ready
to just jump back in like that

I miss the first time feeling
you know the one
when you walk through the doors
the happiness the hugs
I miss it

I miss being around you
and all the people you bring together
I don't know if the time is right
I don't want to try and fail

You were such a big part of my life
and I had to let you go
distance myself
breathe
Anf now I'm not sure if I did the right thing

I miss you and I know
you're just and application away
but I am willing to send it in....
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